Who does that anyway?

-

 Auntie F-bomb looked upset staring at me. She didn’t say she was upset but I could tell.


“I often call my mom three or four times a day and I normally bring up the anecdote about the lipstick and the belt.”


Auntie F-bomb - “what is the anecdote about the lipstick and the belt?”


“I often make an elaborate joke about how when I was a kid they would (when I was bad get a fresh tube of red lipstick and manically cover my lips with till they were thick muddy crimson red). I would take my father belt of kissing the belt leaving red impressions of my lips on the leather strap… then he would start wailing on me with it! Screaming “”kiss it! Kiss it! Kid your ass goodbye!””


Auntie F-bomb “whats the punchline?”


“My parents psychologically abused me so that they scarred me as bad as they could without ever leaving a mark.”


Auntie F-bomb was crying. I think it was more about how I found a way to mention her without mention her that frustrated her. Maybe that is why she can only handle Disney movies on her day off. Because anecdotes this layered in their wretchedness and absurdity really suck the fun out of dramatically demanding works.


In the same way I am trying to be authentic without being too personal.  I don’t know why I am trying to write so much today.


I think it is that there is a need to express something’s without being able to talk about it. The lipstick and the belt is key. It is a central anecdote my brain being pressured to never have closure. Clinging to a need for that very closure.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

On subjectivity and doubt.

-
  When faced with artificial rhetoric pushing false narratives the educated mind is inclined towards doubt. The uneducated mind more towards confidence, for it has now been told what it has waited for. That it is indeed the protagonist of a plot against the grand machinations of history and will uproot the status quo of progressive wild behavior like Wearig a baseball cap backwards and not being filled with inferiority and guilt when a drunken chef in from the army gets angry when you don’t take it off during the national anthem (this may be very specific haha). When you can’t tell when’s video is AI generated or not… things become dangerous because of the choice of the ignorant to be encouraged by “look out for your own interests” and “not sink the life boat” we need to take serious  ether the lack of media education in being able to discern facts from “ alternative facts ”. Because when these alternative (false beliefs)  are held as viable and objective. What we...
Read more

When things go profoundly wrong.

-
  “Do you know how many times you texted me?” “I’m sorry I have paranoid schizophrenia and I am trying to learn how to socialize. I apologize and I will never contact you again.” And I didn’t ever contact that person again. I don’t know who she was and it was well over ten years ago when I Was in the early stages of recovering from a sustained psychosis. I have just paraphrased from memory the text she sent before I blocked her on a dating site. How many times did I text her? like thirty or forty over a period of six months. So why? This is going to be hard to explain for someone who has had a normal life. The answer is simple I didn’t know what would happen. I didn’t understand that not responding once is a hard fast rule for when to disappear from a closing door and that maybe if you swallow your pride a second message reaching out before closing a door. I have paranoid schizophrenia and been through some fairly traumatic stuff in my time. Some real… and others so sub...
Read more

5th grade guitar skillz

-
  Mason Andrew Freak (or simply Drew) sat in his empty room without posters, without toys, basically empty except for a bed. Though he was not sitting on the bed he was in his closet (a metaphor [possibly!]) crying over the warhammer 2nd edition of the chador codex crying…. He had taken down all of his posters of Digimon adventure, dragon ball z,   and ff7. He was twelve years old and almost four hundred pounds, he wasn’t even sure he could get out of the closet he was sitting in. He would turn on his flashlight and stare at john Blanche art and dream such horrific beautiful rock n roll dreams! Trying to escape the reality that was the last time he left his parent’s house. A friend of his dad said “are you single my daughter just broke up with her boyfriend.” The daughter “He is half my age and twice my size.” So little mason went home and tore down all his posters and dreamed beautiful dark dreams. Not knowing he would eventually write over a thousand songs about the th...
Read more