Portrait of a artist as a confused teenager.

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 I would wake up and listen to big black or scratch acid. I would read Tim Roger’s on video games… because I my only experience was through video games and I felt like Tim’s perspective validated my own.


I once told my parents who demanded I share my video game collection with my brothers that it wasn’t just a video game collection but my soul. 


I took it really serious. I was messed up from a young age. I still deal with mind games that make it hard for me to function. I think a big part of it all was to fiction in our family you have to cripple yourself to the world at large.  And I did not even have contact with the world at large.


I am only now seeing how distant all this is from normal (like over the last five or so years [at least with the clarity I have now]).


I would dream of making a cowboy bebop nes clone. It would have been a beat them up with vertical shooter elements.  


I have thought about it quite a lot these dreams of making a video game and the idea that sticks with me the most is a narrative driven game with a jrpg overworld system and a cinematic fighter (yuyu hakusho influenced strange fighter game on the snes for those in the know). And it would be a send up to Shonen battle manga. I think I would would have called it Shonen weekdays.


But back to Tim Rogers I read his novels and extended blogs over and over again. Developing an idea of who I was through his elaborate made up BS and regurgitating with a level of earnestness that is reserved for cult leaders. 


Here is a list of my favorite manga mostly because I want to take a break from thinking about what I am typing while still trying continue towards an end.


1 - hunter x hunter

2 - nausica

3 - Blame!

4 - doro he doro

5 - shin getter robo

6 - five star stories

7 - mazinger z

8 - nasu

9 -jojos bizarre adventure 

10 - kurayami dance


Now that I have had a break from angst and got numbers girl playing. I think I have something to add to this before the end of the post for today. I don’t regret the outcome of pain but regret how long the memories of a broken tooth lingers in ones head. we are talking two decades of a toothache I can feel in my mind too this day. A broken tooth lingers like a Tim Allen Christmas movie in the psyche.

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