What a burden Einstein must have had! (heard in a David lynch voice)

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 Ken's Labyrinth is a 1993 first-person shooter for MS-DOS, created by a teenage Ken Silverman…. It is weird and fuggly and I love ever so much.


I was playing on an old ms dos computer as a young lad (like five or six). I played Ken’s Labyrinth most of a year (till my mom caught me playing Wolfenstein 3d and I was banned from games for a couple of years).


Real fond memories of that game. The strange sound affects and surreal vibe of killer clown meets the journal art of that one kid who gets bullied to much. It really spoke to me. Now I know after the last month or so of anecdotes some peoples eyes might be rolling while quoting every person who has ever watched a happy console gamer YouTube video (“that guy sure has a lot of memories. I mean it seems he has forgot NOTHING.”)


Anyways played it recently and decided I would never likely beat it again. The midlife crisis in me felt so sad. I am coming to terms with these recent blog entries that I am bogged down and burdened by the past.


There are all these little traumas in life that don’t mean anything but they do cause legit discomfort. Even trying to remember the past for the perspective of mental illness is rough. Because I always have doubts about what is real and what wasn’t. Though I found Ken’s labyrinth (I spent half a decade thinking it was called Ken’s quest or Simon’s labyrinth) and it was real. Those little victories of knowing that the kid version of me wasn’t made up (I felt dangerously seen when I beat otherbound a few years ago [the only difference between me and pokey minch was the color of my hair.])


Yes I was an evil, sardonic, mischievous little shit. But I knew what I was and hated myself more than at least most people hated me. Now I think back to my childhood a whole bunch as of late. I am trying to understand myself so I Can change. Though I know it does not matter if I Ever do. 


Peace and love.


Be safe out there friends.


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