The happiest memories

 Sitting in the floor of an old car in the early 90s playing with aliens action figures. The bull alien and the gorilla alien still may be two of the coolest toys ever designed.

The memory of my now descended mamaw Joyce and her long forgotten dog Chico are still there in my mind and I could not be older than three or four I think. It was before I was in school. So definitely not five yet.

I think my obsession with retro futurism is founded on my uncle sharing his interest with sci-fi to me as a kid. I grew up on King Kong (1933 rko) and aliens, on old miniatures war games and the like.

For a very long time I was obsessed with things that made me kind of the odd one out. When I was around other kids in my childhood they would talk about Pokémon Which I pretended not to be interested in because my Nile and his friends were kind of down on it.

I got into it later in the sliver and gold era of the franchise. I resented so much of that early happiness on that by the time I was ten or twelve if it wasn’t from japan I was not interested. 

That perspective lasted all the way until my early thirties when I when started getting back into 80s and 70s pop culture.

I think I a need to make peace with being content. I feel like if I am not miserable I am being incongruent but I am often if not happy at least at peace with how things are.

After my last post I went through one of my spells where I Wanted to elite my presence online or at the very least stop with sharing stuff.

I want to make friends but am also really paranoid and afraid of most people. My place of peace is watching old movies and retro anime. I’m not into isekai.

There is no way to undo a mistake… but we can lol let it go. We can stand up and move forward and do our best. Try to change and learn not to get in our own way.