The Sock-Monkey As Alone

                                 "Most of the worst things said about me, I've said myself." -Daniel Johnston I listened to my first album all the way through, in the order i had it sequenced, when i finished it. and i think i almost beat Tommy Wiseau for the title of the disaster artist. but i have a nostalgia for the self titled album i endearingly call Mason Andrew. primarily because it was a strange idea to record  the album to begin with, at least when provided with context. i had just started the long recovery from a psychosis that lasted for almost two years. deciding that i would record as much as possible. then wait till i felt comfortable with the material and sequence it. i actually almost finished my second album songs of sara, a concept album about my therapist being god by the time i felt comfortable enough with my semi sane state to organize the mess into a coherent whole. the idea in sequencing the album was based off of two of my favorite

                   " How the little piggies will grunt when they hear how the old boar suffered." - ragnar  when i was little an older boy i knew told me to lay my hand on a brick, i complied. he then picked up another brick and slammed it on my hand making a rather gruesome damage that wasn't cleaned up in a more easy fashion. the moral of the story is don't let people bully you, when you comply it only gets worse. but the difference of doing what you need to (too survive) and being a predator is very thin. the damage we fight is both cruel and fatal. with a cold fascination i look for answers and try to share if i think i have learned anything. but the irony i now use for my sincerity turns me into yet another disaster-artist. someone who is trying to express through camp and irony what is normally reserved for people like Ingmar Bergman, or Orson Well's with their fascinating deconstructions of reality through what is perceived as as sincerity by a well mea

                                            "To start with, here is a list of things I hate." -Tim Rogers.  I based my life off a lie. but the reality is their is a new mode of expression it is irony through irony as sincerity or as it used to be called sarcasm. tim rogers was my hero who i stalked. then one day after a spree of @ mentions on twitter he @ mentioned me back, with a napalm bomb of reality, just the two letter word "hi" and i was destroyed. but the important thing here isn't that tim rogers owned me (which he did!) it is that for some reason this articulate funny man brings out the inner troll in life less losers like me in a way that is embarrassing to the species. it is like he inspires children to write a letter to Santa clause and not ask for anything. his writing is rambling indirect and sometimes a blinding light to the rest of game journalism, almost as if he is high beaming on-coming traffic just to drive them off the road. but those uni

short blog, been working like crazy learning how too code c++. and working on my web comic. but there was something i wanted to share. the hardest part of the day is waking up. jumping with faith into the life the we were forced into. with the overwhelming guilt and terror of not succeeding, of offering something and the world looks you in the eye and says "i think i will pass." but what can you do if not stare down the dread and swallow it with a cup of morning coffee. admit failure and fuck with the people that fuck with you. all you can do is try to do better the next time. but the question of authority and and the debt of inflicting pain on those that refuse to die even if the demons we face are within us. sometimes you have to live life lie you are a Sasha baron Cohen character walking around inflicting internal doubt. on a unassuming world that wants nothing but to put you into a role and let you play it out no matter how weird it makes you feel. but the childish i