The Sock-Monkey As Alone

  Auntie F-bomb looked upset staring at me. She didn’t say she was upset but I could tell. “I often call my mom three or four times a day and I normally bring up the anecdote about the lipstick and the belt.” Auntie F-bomb - “what is the anecdote about the lipstick and the belt?” “I often make an elaborate joke about how when I was a kid they would (when I was bad get a fresh tube of red lipstick and manically cover my lips with till they were thick muddy crimson red). I would take my father belt of kissing the belt leaving red impressions of my lips on the leather strap… then he would start wailing on me with it! Screaming “”kiss it! Kiss it! Kid your ass goodbye!”” Auntie F-bomb “whats the punchline?” “My parents psychologically abused me so that they scarred me as bad as they could without ever leaving a mark.” Auntie F-bomb was crying. I think it was more about how I found a way to mention her without mention her that frustrated her. Maybe that is why she can only h...

 I may very well be “somewhat random” “Art as therapy?” Or “as if wounds heal!” Expectancy: what is seen by fandoms…  These words carry an cold intent to kill. The prior self while dragging him forward We’re Keeping him alive for the snuff film. And so With each rhyme I feel more cornered  Yet anticipate closure as a thrill  A reluctant tea party without guests Except the siblings wishing they wern’t there A glass bottle of love poured on each dish As if Mocking the violence they’re spared My past lie is refusing to survive only because the closure is not mine.

  Hunter x hunter: Every time I think I have something to say I think I am paraphrasing this manga. Really a lot to do with my whole aesthetic. It is so foundational I have a hard time talking about it… though my whole artistic approach is finding meaning in trash a reference to the spider “we’ll take whatever you give us but don’t ask for anything back.” kill bill: My favorite genre film even though it has a hard time deciding which one it wants to be the best at.  At least a very impressive pastiche of shot and angles framed by grey and driven by revenge. A selfish act that somehow seems justified. The grey is the nuance between revenge and justice… possibly the overlap of the two? John Blanche paintings: what happens when punk rock inspired lover of medieval and renascence art is hired to do commercial work for a science fantasy wargame, a whole lot of inspired art that is hard define. From ether his haphazard slapdash quick sketches to his more labored box cover a...

  Sitting in the floor of an old car in the early 90s playing with aliens action figures. The bull alien and the gorilla alien still may be two of the coolest toys ever designed. The memory of my now descended mamaw Joyce and her long forgotten dog Chico are still there in my mind and I could not be older than three or four I think. It was before I was in school. So definitely not five yet. I think my obsession with retro futurism is founded on my uncle sharing his interest with sci-fi to me as a kid. I grew up on King Kong (1933 rko) and aliens, on old miniatures war games and the like. For a very long time I was obsessed with things that made me kind of the odd one out. When I was around other kids in my childhood they would talk about Pokémon Which I pretended not to be interested in because my Nile and his friends were kind of down on it. I got into it later in the sliver and gold era of the franchise. I resented so much of that early happiness on that by the time I was...

  I am crying. I don’t know how old I was… I am hunched over trying to disappear. I feel breath against my ear and she is screaming. Screaming and I can’t remember why she was so angry.   The feverish horror is beautiful to me now I can see myself at age five or six. In chimney orange and goblin green smoke surrounding me a  I cook in a very personal hell. “Set your head on fire!” My radio told me years later. “It has been for as long as I can remember” I wanted to reply Why I Am I typing this tonight because I want to talk with someone… my pet cockatiel Luna is asleep. While my mother (who is on my mind [if only because] I am needing talk and no one is there).  This is one of the days where I feel like the pixie dust has been carried away on dump trucks. Most of my fiction I have shared is near porno in moral twilight. More voyerstic therapy of working through a childhood of watching AE serial killer documentaries and being exposed to violent pornography...

  “Caramel corn does not rember me” - Tim Rogers   Who is m1a1… Drew freak… Mason Andrew Freak… he is me and he is not me. I am performing at the keyboard for myself to myself. These stream of conscious thoughts more than a decade of experimentation on the question what is a limit? Is the past one of them? And why do we give it so much power? I am now moving forward with this as a near daily blog (again!) I miss typing and sharing my neurotic rain man idiot savant mediations on identity. If I am trying to be evasive it’s because I want to forget and all I seem to do (darn it!) is remember. Like gunstar heroes life is something more fun to think about than something to play and finish. I have played gunstar heroes a hole bunch and finished and can say with out a doubt it is very much awesome but my memories of it are far more interesting because I created that bs in my head with an anticipation  of what the game could be rather then the reduction of what it could h...