The Sock-Monkey As Alone

  Blindsight is the pragmatic poetry of the unsentimental mind. Much like the vampires in the book it is an amoral efficient and a cannibal. Taking what it will from the hard sci-fi and horror and compiling them into shuffling cards of plot twist and strangely human nightmare fuel.   Nihilistic and tragic in the death throes of its own conclusions. That are at once distant and obvious. In that liminal space between the stars. Wonderfully well written on a practical level. On a sentence by sentence level. I think that my only complaint is I wish the characters had a little more human variation in their cadence speech patterns as written. They are all wonderfully developed and technically post human (or on the cusp of it). The books captures everything I love about WarHammer 40k without any of the faults of the fiction put out by the black library (written like bad comic book power fantasy set in a richly developed universe). I think it is one of my favorite books and li...

  What happens when you mix one part James Bond and the other part kill bill. You get shibumi. Ostensibly, I thought the best super spy media was the television show the prisoner. Though the truth of the matter is that Shibumi with its pulp leanings and potboiler structure is a bit more traditional… it is also radical in a subtler way. Nicholas Hel is a buckaroo banzai like polymathic philosopher looking for perfection through everything he comes into contact with as a means for enlightenment. Though the book is paced as a thriller. The absurd comic book inspired world (I don’t mean this to be derogatory) has philosophical ambitions. Not with a pithy aphorism that dismisses wisdom while seaking to posses it through wordplay. No, but more of a contemplative meditation that is as much about how you do something as much as what you do.     The style meets and serves the form of the book. Taking lessons from the subtle to the point of distraction Japanese board game...

  I always wanted to be a writer more than anything I wished I had acquired the ability to write well. As I stroll through my own personal apocalypse as the world threatens to burn with nuclear fire. I type away or read a book (lately been reading about two or three hundred pages a day).  I think the reason I still fear reading with actual anxiety is there is a fear of revealing myself too much. Of being wounded again. Even if it is a sucker punch sent from myself to myself. It’s a real fear I remember having a talking too that make Ralph lee ermy look tame by my pre-medicated mother (who has changed and I forgive her). Just yelling at me for hours for being so stupid and unable to read till I was much older then I should have been. Of thinking this was the normal way to behave and treating my younger brothers the same way. All that hatred and yelling was a waste of energy. One of the younger brothers recorded me yelling at him and showed it to the whole family and the...

“What are your plans for the future?”  “I don’t have a future.” I turn my back and staring at my hands meaning every fucking syllable. I almost thirty eight. The business of being expected to pull a miracle out of my ass and make the rational clinical pain mean something other than being the background noise of my life, is something I gave up on. “The thing about lobotomies is they kept people like you from hurting someone trying to get on with their day.” The manager at my last apartment recertification told me that.  He was thirty minutes late for my recertification and was in a bad mood. He was told he was 80% disabled but was considered functioning when he was on his pain meds by the VA so he would lose some benefits. So what did he fucking do he spent a hour and a half insulting me. And carrying on how people like me were the problem with this country.  I then had a meltdown on mastodon about the frustration of always being told I have more privilege as a cis white m...

  Starting this off with a nerd list with my current top ten novels 1 Stone junction by Jim Dodge 2 Gravity’s rainbow by Thomas Pynchon 3 Ridley walker by Russel hoben 4 Stella Maris by Cormac McCarthy  5 even cowgirls get the blues by tom robbins 6 Alice adventures in wonder land by Lewis Carrol. 7 cat’s cradle by Kurt Vonnegut  8 Dune by frank herbert 9 buckaroo banzai by earl Mach rauch 10 Shibumi by Trevanian   Now I will simply start typing… mostly because I don’t know what to type and I feel like it would do me well to discuss my days of late. Gave up YouTube and Tv for the most part (trying to watch two or three hours of tv a week). And after a rocky start I can think clearer and my mood seems to be improving. So that is a win I would say. Last book I read was shibumi. I sat down and read three hundred pages of it yesterday and finished it and loved it… very much in the vein of Suda51 one style scripts or a kind of mash up of James Bond and ki...

 Poetry is the sparks of flint, of the human souls in conflict with eternity It is the effort and reward of ambiguity as a document for the living It is the simple act of investing in your life because other people are worth it

  Cleaned 24 miniatures, assembled, repaired and glued to 28 mm bases yesterday. Today’s ambitions include priming them. And potentially painting a handful. Luna (my part bird) had a limp this morning. It has been worrying me most of the day trying to figure out how I can pay to take her tot he vet to get checked… but she doesn’t seem to be in pain and can still get around. I think what happened was her claw got stuck in one of the hard sponge toys she shreds and she sprained it but honestly I don’t know. I did not share for several days on here because I am going through one of my spells of doubt with my intellect. I know I am not at the top tier of a grasp of the language I speak… or for that matter have a passing average grade on the subject. Though I still feel I have things to offer. Thoughts, ideas and such.  Maybe tomorrow I will share some of the campaign rules for grim metal bedlam. They are no where near complete but the thought of sharing them scares me into w...