Suicide or old-age?

I stepped on a bed bug, there is a blood stain where my shoe ounce was. Obviously it had been feeding. So I have spent most of the last two weeks poison proofing my valuables and getting ready for the exterminators to come. I was going to kill myself before my birthday next month. I have even tried within the last six months to keep a vow I had made to myself, that talent/fame or none I was going to join the twenty seven club. But I don't know any more I have been talking to my therapist and my case-worker about the subject and they have persuaded me that this makes little since. so instead I have been making resolutions to better my life such as eating healthy and possibly investing in a weight bench. I don't know this like the last one isn't much of a blog, more just thinking out-loud. But if I have a point to make, it's that none of this matters. A man set himself on fire in protest of the Donald becoming president and someone I know re-posted the story and the circle jerks went off on how they wished all liberals followed suit. And then they bitch about people like me being butt hurt just cause they pimped out the American dream to a reality T.V. show star. America doesn't suck but a large portion of it's citizens deserve to watch there loved ones tortured in hell (preferably through perverted, obscene, sexual acts) for being registered republicans.

And finally the point, I have better things to do with my life then pretend I'm Gandhi and that the world needs one more fucking martyr, drinking piss or killing myself so a bunch of animals act a little more humane. In hindsight that was where my desire to kill myself came from the hope that someone would put the pieces together and I wouldn't have to wait for the world to get better. Christ dying on the cross was the spiritual equivalent of a DMV set up for maximum damage. And the world is still recoiling from it. The question now is if the majority of Christians don't understand the faith as taught by the book then who represents the christian faith in this era?  Or does it matter? More then anything the idea I'm trying to get across is that Republican's should understand not all liberals are limp-dicked masochists. Were not all going to set out selves on fire and there is more of us then there is of you.