The Sock-Monkey As Alone

Long story short the book-1 will be available for free within the next month. Part-1 of Dharma-Discharge, the prophet coffin is finished. I am now giving myself some breathing room so that part 2 and 3 will be done within the next six months, I am tying up loose ends. And am only trying to tell a story I am not ashamed of, one that may be worth your time to read.

  So here we are again internet and today our subject is on broad generalizations from a fuck boy who honestly doesn't give a shit about what a bunch of entitled fucks like you think and I will warn you this is a NC-17 post...so if your not interested in that kind of thing then I guess you are really not going to want to read this. In the beginning I was fucking an overweight young woman that was part Japanese. Long story short after she had a orgasm she said "my thighs need a break" so then I started getting head, this was not a bad day for me. But after awhile she still couldn't get me off so she said "I have to go." I pushed her head down again and we went for awhile more then she smiled and said "No really I need to go, I told my parents I would cook dinner tonight." I said "O.K." and proceeded to finish the job myself (with my hand!). Now here comes the point if you are going to vote for Donald Trump and you even think that I ...

So here I lay in my bed thinking about why I ever thought that having a conceptual reason for not practicing was a good idea. Or my love of capturing the moment through random improvisation of lyrics and the overall arrangement of a piece of music. I don't know honestly, to quote frank miller "I think with my dick." But I also have a tendency to fuck anything that moves and these two things led to me not fulfilling my potential as a artist. But I am now practicing a couple of hours a day on the guitar and taking my time to write more complex and thought out pieces of music. If this will have a impact on a man who is exiting his twenties kicking and screaming, I can't say. But God willing I live with shame so that I may be worthy of the gift.... what is the direction I am trying to go in slow crunchy doom metal that isn't limited by verse chorus structure. Melodic but intense if I could sell it as anything I guess I would say I want the music of metal without the ...

" I know your soul is not tainted even though you have been told so." - Papa. The horned beast comes creeping ounce again from the abyss, his eyes like jewels, with words perfumed with aging decay. And songs come forth as a bold middle finger to mediocrity and banality. To people who are willing to give there lives for a piece of ass, or the opportunity to show they are more ignorant then there brothers. When there has always been a better way then mindless sacrifice to ritual, of selfless selfishness sold as faith. And that way is the ghost, for he is. And he is who he is and he is what he is. A Nameless Ghoul said, "Everything started with a bunch of songs. We knew very early that to make this material work we needed to fulfill our dream of putting a horror show together with music." and my sweet dark fallen lord they have. They sing songs for the fallen the forgotten and the damned. In other words if your voting for trump then you probably can re...

Melodramatic, this is how I would describe myself. When things are not complex then you must alow yourself enjoy the simplicity of your favorite old songs. But what if one of those old songs is belief? (See I am already behaving melodramatic)! But no matter how you feel about something, how you behave decides your merit. And this is how I am with belief both in spiritual terms and non spiritual terms. I am always chasing the truth but refuse to let it set me fee. On the other hand however you can learn to use melodrama as more then just cheap theatrics. Thus is where I am at in my life. In not so many words I feel as if I have failed. More on allowing myself just follow the heads of the flock. common since says that I and I alone cane make myself in any way happy.  So I have taken the time to work on some things I have procrastinated around such as fixing up my blog and website so that all the information I have put out there is Interconnected. Even this humble thing I am atempting...

I am making myself take a break to try and raise the quality of my output. all the old songs will stay up and should be available  on iTunes and spottily soon. i will try to update this blog whenever i update my other one (that you can find a link to on my twitter). i will try to make all the songs available for download for free when i figure out the easiest way of doing this. i am going to work on my book and like i said take the time to actually write song as apposed to improvising them in thirty minutes and uploading them. i already have a some song titles but don't expect new music for at least a few months. but the next e.p. will be a deathrock/doom metal sounding sort of material. any one interested in jamming that has a interest in those two genres are encouraged too shoot me a message as i would like to find some people to work with.

so after being told a couple of times i was the weird al of the xylophone i thought i would try my hand at writing a parody. i spent thirty minutes working on it and decided in my moment of masochism that this would be my first song i would submit to crowd review, i don't know what i was expecting but i got what i deserved. my final score was 2.2 out of 10 and i'm not sure if i should be hurt or proud. the main criticism was that i was among the worst singers of all time. and since i made the song up while i was singing it and it was a about failing aimlessly in the eyes of indifference from strangers and unfailing love from my family that left me unable to actually judge if in any way what i was doing and still having fun. i am now forced to confront my arrogance and bad habits which is a fancy way of saying i have a bad tendency to shit on a plate and call it a burger. so since half of my posted material is improvised in under a hour and the rest is nearly five ...

1 nirvana - in utero: this is the record that got me into music. plain and simple, catchy and rocking. it means more then it should, but why is that a bad thing? 2 slipknot - all hope is gone: the definitive dumb heavy record replacing iggy pops finest moments on my top ten. they scream they thrash and they get laid, don't let the reviews let you miss out on this one. 3 mgmt - Oracular Spectacular: they go farther then the stones as far as being gangster goes and they wrote catchier songs. yeah they are tricksters but so are magicians and our parents. 4 flipper - love: emo as irony and irony as the truth. if Jim Dodge fronted a punk band they would be smarter then flipper but not as rock n' roll 5 misfits - static age: melodic as anything with attitude and points for style. musically it may be the definitive rock n roll record . 6 killing joke - 2003 self titled: not as stupid and nearly as heavy as slipknot the go to record for those seeking raw power ...

so I have spent most of the last few days watching cartoons like adventure time and gravity falls and listening to folk blues such as Charlie parr and blind Willie Mctell. And loving that sweet spot of understanding you cant turn life into a photograph and that death is change and you cant change death. I find myself ether alone or with some old lady who is trying to share her cheap wine with me. And yes I know we know better lord, and none of ever meant to do no harm. I am so tired and just want to sail away "all the friends I ever had are gone...." I look her I the eyes and tell her we don't need friends that we have memories and life and could not ask for much more. "i just don't want to go home...." in my drunken logic I tell her your home is in your heart and that they will bury with that. starts to sing cheap wine again. "I'm better then all of this, you can go to hell, I'm better then this and i make my own way." she g...

so i just put up three of my worst song on the internet. And some how feel better for all the embarrassing madness that came out of it. Dark feelings funny thoughts and just generally feeling like i have shame my family and scared off m friends but none of that is new and i will probably do it again.. my life is like a ghost story to paraphrase Neil Gaiman i talk about how bored and scared i am and that it is not just a cry for help. I'm just tired and getting through what is left. I talk as if this is my last day every time I open my mouth and a few times have tried to kill myself. the last time they told me i shouldn't be alive. but here i am. but if i did kill myself i would like to think after they flush my ashes down the toilet that my blogs would be updated with the subject matter of "it's cold." and that i would whine of my misery of purgatory and think god i wasn't in hell all the while knowing that when i get there i will find a sign and...