On being the worst musician who ever lived.

So here I lay in my bed thinking about why I ever thought that having a conceptual reason for not practicing was a good idea. Or my love of capturing the moment through random improvisation of lyrics and the overall arrangement of a piece of music. I don't know honestly, to quote frank miller "I think with my dick." But I also have a tendency to fuck anything that moves and these two things led to me not fulfilling my potential as a artist. But I am now practicing a couple of hours a day on the guitar and taking my time to write more complex and thought out pieces of music. If this will have a impact on a man who is exiting his twenties kicking and screaming, I can't say. But God willing I live with shame so that I may be worthy of the gift.... what is the direction I am trying to go in slow crunchy doom metal that isn't limited by verse chorus structure. Melodic but intense if I could sell it as anything I guess I would say I want the music of metal without the sword and sorcery shit. Not that there is anything wrong with that. It's just I'm looking for something a little more surreal. More modern and at the same time respectful of rockabilly. I want to make music that is realistic but theatrical. Almost like the doom metal version of King lear but with vocals that a rooted more in deathrock and classic rock. If this sounds repetitive then I will admit it does to me as well as I type only I think the repetition is good for me as a person if bad for me as a writer. But I will leave this short piece of spam with if you are in Knoxville and you ether like my music or see potential in it shoot me a message.