Shonen weekdays: or a child of rage in the age of cringe.

"Sometimes I feel very sad
Sometimes I feel very sad
(Can't find nothin' I can put my heart and soul into)
Sometimes I feel very sad
(Can't find nothin' I can put my heart and soul into)"

  - the beach boys: just wasn't made for these times.

I rode the four-wheeler around
the twenty-foot circle in my parents back yard.
Goku had just defeated Frieza, but Namek was destroyed.
The girl I had a crush on was afraid of me.
Her older brother cared but in an observant worried sort of way.
I had a box with a barbie I had painted blood on.
My parents told me I was an idiot for claiming I read gone with the wind (I hadn't). My mother dragged me into the house my wrist cutting on the bricks of the house I reached for screaming for help.
My neighbors thought this was normal.
But Goku had defeated Frieza.
I had drawn women naked in bondage.
My parents found out by the house cleaner who went through my stuff without my consent. He told my parents she wouldn't bring her kid with her again.
My mother and her friend tried to bless the demons
out of me with olive oil. Hand on my forehead, with no warning, I laughed it didn't help.
But Goku had defeated Frieza.
I tried to kill myself for the first time when I was eleven.
I couldn't cut deep enough.
My dad made a joke about me being a cutter.
I threw up in my sleep.
They let me know that wasn't acceptable.
All the danger, yet here I am.
Goku had defeated Frieza.
I had delusion and decided that at one point
I would instead daydream than deal with it anymore.
I told my parents I believed in Santa
Though I hadn't since I had ritually been going through
My presents that were stored in the garage
With my little brother who got beat for not saying
He believed in Santa when we got caught.
My sister said, "those creepy teenagers who still get their photo with Santa," then gave me a look of disdain and laughed.
My dad said, you know Santa doesn't exist? Right?"
I tried to act surprised.
But Goku had defeated Frieza.
I got caught masturbating the light were on, and I wasn't allowed
Curtains or blinds. It was my mom and my little brothers baby sitter.
I wasn't allowed to have a lock on my door
They were talking on the porch.
The lights were on them over the railing and into my room.
While I heald the door price shut with my back.
Goku had defeated Frieza.
My grandmother said, "you were never abused, your parents never kept you in a cage, even if they probably had a reason too.
I love my mamaw.
But Goku had defeated Frieza.
I told my therapist all of this.
She told me I had experienced childhood-onset schizophrenia.
And that what I Remembered wasn't reliable.
But. Goku. Had. Defeated. Frieza.
No one ever gave me the talk.
I learned about the birds and the bees from tentacle hentai.
That a family member showed me.
I had tried to teach my brothers how to read.
After my parents had given up on them.
One was in fifth grade.
My parents homeschooled us.
They had barely finished high school.
But Goku defeated Frieza....
This word salad of cringe is the dirty water in my fishbowl.
I can't change it, and as far as I am concerned, it is home.
I think back to how happy I was riding in a circle.
A loop of my Dad watching me have the courage to ride the four-wheeler after I had wrecked it a week earlier.
Goku had defeated Frieza.
After the wreck, he made fun of how my glasses were too small for my head. My neighbor gave me an adult pare to make me feel better.
"Crying won't get you anywhere." He said
I was so happy at what my hero the z fighters had done.
But if that younger version of me could see me now.
I would quote my favorite Manga and tell him
"Never underestimate the malice in the human heart."
I drove in a circle till my hands were numb from the vibrations of the engine. And that moment defined me, irrational faith in hope.
Because I knew someone was looking out for me.