FLCL: or, LIittle Prince Curry.

"I saw God the other day, by the river on a rainy afternoon. He helped a kitten that was left all alone. It's a God that only I can see. A black-winged angel that came down from the heavens just for me." - Mamimi, from FLCL.

 

When I was a kid I was sexually abused. I was so young I can barely remember it. Maybe six or seven years old. My mom's older cousin did it which left me really confused.

 

She called what she did skinning and used her mouth.

 

I feel like there is something I should talk about other than that. So let's make that FLCL.

 

I watched the show religiously. Though not understanding sexuality. I figured out how sex worked from extremely violent hentai a family member let me watch.

 

All my young exposure to sexuality lacked consent and scared me. I still struggle with violent intrusive sexual thoughts.

 

Huh typing this I feel like my brain needs to talk about it.

 

Do you ever want a reset? Just another chance to find a new way to live? Yeah...me neither.

 

I think that the appeal at the age I watched FLCL was I wanted to be loved. It is about a kid growing up and nothing sorta changes. There are robots, spaced pirates, and rock n roll. Everything you could want and the world just wants to use a giant iron to get rid of the wrinkles in your brain.

 

When I lost my consensual virginity it was with a woman a few years younger than me and I was twenty-five. She took me in her mouth and I said: "please don't bight me." she stopped and smiled showing her white teeth and then playfully and gently nibbled at my head. I knew how stupid I sounded at the time and covered my eyes with my arm.

 

She asked me to fuck her. I was scared I didn't want to get her pregnant so I fingered her till she tightened around my hand.

 

I didn't have actual (Not just oral) Sex till the next year with another stranger. The young woman came over and let me ride her. She orgasmed and then said thank you but I have to go. I got up and walked her down to her car and felt worthless.

 

What is this about I am typing and confused... I am trying to understand what I want to say and how to say it but the closest will be the next paragraph.

 

I knew that how Mamimi treated Naoto was how I wanted to be treated. I wanted someone to use me again (without knowing what that meant).

 

I would lay in bed and fantasize about meeting some older woman who would take me somewhere and save my life. I was laying at the park, with a cheap anime fantasy that someone had a use for me. I know now how disturbing that is now. I no longer want that.

 

But find all the madness I have experienced in my life shaped me. It's painful and confusing but that is what life is.

 

Naota from FLCL: "Fire Starter. It's a handheld video game. No one knows how Endsville, the City of Devils, was created, but as soon as it appeared, it started to grow, and slowly eat up the world. You are an agent of Cantide, the God of the Black Flame, and you must stop Endsville from destroying the world. Your only weapon is flame—matches, lighters, and firebombs. Take the weapons, outsmart the firefighters, hide from the police, torch the city, and purge its demons. But you must be careful; you cannot burn everything. If the entire city burns down there will be no place to live. Thus, the battle is hopeless. There is no final victory. The only thing you can do is burn...and burn...and burn. Your highest goal is to receive the personal blessing of Cantide, the God of Black Flame."