Anthony Bourdain: a choice and a mistake.

"But I'm simply not going to deceive anybody about life as I've seen it. It's all here: the good, the bad, and the ugly." - Anthony Bourdain.

 

I have been a fan of Anthony's work since the first episode of No Reservations.

 

I am just now getting into his writing. Starting with Kitchen Confidential, and, I am impressed. It is like his travel shows on steroids. The malice is there as much as the love. Maybe more so. He describes himself as a child with the term "the world's ugliest American."

 

I used to watch His shows religiously. My favorite film in high school was Apocolypse now. I wanted to be a chef even though I sucked (and still suck) at cooking.

 

This was a guy who had the best job in the world...

 

I saw the documentary: Roadrunner recently. It was dark as you can imagine. Watching my hero meltdown and ask for a second take to reangle the cameras in the middle of an earnest conversation. Was heartbreaking for fans who had seen the man in every situation from Presidents to Texans and be nothing but in the moment.

 

"I am going to tell you the truth, and, this is part of it."

 

Anthony Bourdain killed himself.

 

It hurt when it happened. I cannot imagine how those close to him could deal with it. Then I lost my mamaw.

 

You don't deal with loss, it happens to you. Loss is not consensual.

 

I am unsure why I chose to write about him today (Well, other than my love of Kitchen Confidential. I haven't finished it yet but think it will become an all-time favorite.) though it may very well be that I know where he was coming from. I have nearly taken my life several times. Almost succeeded at least once. I am glad I am still here. I wish he was too.

 

"I always entertain the notion that I'm wrong, or that I'll have to revise my opinion. Most of the time that feels good; sometimes it really hurts and is embarrassing." - Anthony Bourdain