The Sock-Monkey As Alone

  For the second time today the clocks around the world stopped. First there was the threat of world war three then the bombs dropped. The mushroom clouds swallowed all of history in a few bites. Yet the poor bastard... Edward Blue-water had a girl on his mind. Things were not over maybe especially in the afterlife. His daughter was supposed to be born today. He was running next to his wife as the doctor's wheeled her toward the maternity ward. She was screaming at him. "I don't care what I said to better damn well give me some painkillers or I will get drunk on your blood!" "That's it honey just keep breathing, that's right deep breaths." Said Edward. "I swear to the most high I will make you pay for putting me in this situation." Said his wife. That was the last thing she said before the mushroom clouds sang their song. A quire of destruction in the temple of tomorrow. His daughter was a late term abortion as were any of his hopes for the...

I have been working on a hypertext that collages together elements of most of the Panzer Strider fiction. Into a chaotic multiple-choice hyper text. I have already written the ending and am working towards it. When it is finished it will be about a novel's worth of text at about a third done it is over twenty five thousand words. I had to take a break from writing several years ago because I felt I was running on empty. I kept starting and stopping projects, which culminated in the first version of Panzer Strider. If you have read is a man getting raped in the ass and then his bird friend, messiah, kills the family of the man who did it and is crucified. I don't know what this was about other than my mental illness crying out trying to find some kind of stopping me from pushing myself further down the rabbit hole of being "productive". The new version of Panzer Strider is not that one. It almost exclusively shares the vaguest hint of the former setting. IT has mecha,...

1 Nirvana - in utero The band that changed my life. I thought I was Kurt Cobain for over a year hallucinating and psychotic. A band that is in my DNA that I am still trying move passed. from he symmetrical melodies droning post industrial riff and amateurish anti-hero solos.  I made every kid in the 90s think I could do that and of course we couldn't... Kurt executed rock n roll for being the unobtainable dream that only madness and purest pursue nowadays as the rest of the rest of the world samples those old hits or plays in similarly sad cover bands.   2 Slipkot - All hope is gone. The maggots on the corpse of rock n' roll was Heavy Metal where all the worst tendency's of rock n roll are what you aspired to. Cliche extremes of horror film imagery and pornography's emotional complexity. A nightmare that swallowed the dreams of a generations looking for the party... though with understanding we approached it like Jason approached a victim in Friday the Thirteenth.  and ...

  (Love one another) Things come and go People drift in and out of life  One day you have a future Another day wounds and strife  What I need to say I stubbornly hold down Blame me It’s fair Our future isn’t bound But I still hope… Despite the evidence  That a heart can heal As I move to repentance 

(Discombobulated on my birthday) Beyond yearning Is the bedrock The binary state of yes Or no Birthdays are complicated Thirty-six-years of poor decisions Lead to this one being alone It didn’t have to be alone I chose as I always have Morning sadness Evening peace Will I ever get used To reruns on tv as the main dish? Don’t know and don’t care - The world Is on its way to ending The final judgement will show us  how the coin lands Though we flipped  and caught it in our palm The judgment is not hours to make We are everything and nothing The plot The extras The victims And the persecutors  But we are not one thing, that is the judge It’s in the air All we can can is…. Hold out our hand in expectation To catch the coin And let our name be called To whichever It may be Eternal salvation Or eternal damnation A billion choices …but all roads lead to Rome.

 The sparrow  Birds as a metaphor  Freedom above trust -  When time is coming  For an expression of lust -  I see my strength  Weakness is its kin  To float above sorrow  With gravity as a friend -

  The newt We were (me and Chey) Walking around the neighborhood  She saw a little newt missing an eye On layers of brick Holding back the bank of a hill Picking him up And placed him On a stump Where I assume He found peace And potential safety We were going to break the rules Of my lease to help the critter Take him and rehabilitate his Tiny life But when we got back he was gone I was anxious I hope he is safe We’re all tiny lights in the darkness  Mine was dimming till Till you rekindled the flame Flames carry from souls Like fire on a candle wick Souls renewed become something new Trash blown into The corner of the roundabout  I don’t know what is the metaphor Or the truth to articulate Other than I hope We have more days like this one Saving a life Is no little victory But if you include the newt… Chey saved two And I would not have had The joy of witnessing Any Of It… without… 

  I am finding patterns in chaos a creature creating a mythos at the world's end dwelling in sin without any measurable pathos