The Sock-Monkey As Alone

Your eyes are brighter than shooting stars. Where life lives on the edge of your smile. The fire is forged in you (or what we are). Eternal without the joy of the wild share some of The end of the beginning The ups and downs without resting states, You are the song I pursue to sing Waiting for the judgment of destiny  I wish I was inspiring as you  A servant of our God eternal  I know your aware of his love’s truth. I am grateful chey (it is that simple) But may you serve as the song of our lord Your the harmony accompanying the chords

When I was a kid I was sexually abused by my moms cousin. I didn’t even know what had happened till my uncle showed a hentai about demons raping women. I did drawings inspired by the hentai and my parents who never gave me the talk thought I was a serial killer or demon possessed because I was extremely sheltered as far as culture I was exposed too as far as they knew. Yet my dad watched serial killer documentary’s on A&E they freaked me out because I though I was like them because of the drawings they discovered in my closet. This has lead to a huge amount of guilt and self hatred.  Example I have always had a fascination with bondage stuff but never let myself indulge in it even with my partners who share in interest in it. If only because I just have some hang ups with it. I made a friend who I loved talking to but because I am so fucked up and I feel like it is impossible for me not to screw shit up. I am not talking to her right now. Spent most of the last couple of days suici

 I woke crying again The worm inside my heart I am chasing the life I am seeking It feels like the world is ending My dignity goes down swinging it's a painful hope say a prayer for me Thunder is born by lighting