The Lesson is not a Parable
I woke up this morning and I was not hung over, I was lets say, feeling it. I've been struggling to get off the floor for as long as I can remember and the strangest thing I've learned from zen is that I am already off the floor. Sure I can make better choices or i could stop regretting the past but none of that changes right now, none of that changes the actual reality that is me, or the things surrounding me. so then what exactly does it change? Nothing more then my perception of it, not clarity but the desire to be rid of clarity, the desire to be rid of of the arbitrary reduction on reality that is me, or the illusion of this thing that I call me.
Box-car racer was a great band, I have no shame in saying this. As I am writing this, I am listening to their self titled debut, which I hope will stay forever there only release. it's reminding me of things i don't like to think about, of moments and people who no longer exist in any form. People I miss, who are still alive, but not the same, people like me.
It's a terrible game this survivalism thing, these instincts that define us. That make us think we're special, they are hard to fight, but the hardest thing is we are all unique, we are all sacred. Now think about that for a moment, even if you were a special little snow flake...how fucking special is a snow flake? even if you are different from all the other little snow flakes, I am pretty sure only the snow-flakes give a fuck, and probably only when they think they are going to get some head.
This illusion of me is willfully naive, cause I can't deal with the reality that the world has beat into me. How many of you are like me? In the words of Corey Taylor - "my end, justifies my means." But there is no end but returning back to the non existence, which is being rid of this fiction you call yourself. I watch the people around me with the same disgust the rest of you would save for witnessing the zombie apocalypse.
A buddy from work,, who from this day forward I consider a friend, asked me "why don't you have a girl?" and I answered with the truth "my brain is pretty fucked up and I don't want to spread my damage like a cancer." The practice of zazen if not out right saving my life has changed it and even if your not as bad as I am, when you think about it I'm sure, like me, your not losing anything you wouldn't be happy to be rid of. But don't get confused, the lesson is not a parable.
Now witness and bow down too the metal.
Box-car racer was a great band, I have no shame in saying this. As I am writing this, I am listening to their self titled debut, which I hope will stay forever there only release. it's reminding me of things i don't like to think about, of moments and people who no longer exist in any form. People I miss, who are still alive, but not the same, people like me.
It's a terrible game this survivalism thing, these instincts that define us. That make us think we're special, they are hard to fight, but the hardest thing is we are all unique, we are all sacred. Now think about that for a moment, even if you were a special little snow flake...how fucking special is a snow flake? even if you are different from all the other little snow flakes, I am pretty sure only the snow-flakes give a fuck, and probably only when they think they are going to get some head.
This illusion of me is willfully naive, cause I can't deal with the reality that the world has beat into me. How many of you are like me? In the words of Corey Taylor - "my end, justifies my means." But there is no end but returning back to the non existence, which is being rid of this fiction you call yourself. I watch the people around me with the same disgust the rest of you would save for witnessing the zombie apocalypse.
A buddy from work,, who from this day forward I consider a friend, asked me "why don't you have a girl?" and I answered with the truth "my brain is pretty fucked up and I don't want to spread my damage like a cancer." The practice of zazen if not out right saving my life has changed it and even if your not as bad as I am, when you think about it I'm sure, like me, your not losing anything you wouldn't be happy to be rid of. But don't get confused, the lesson is not a parable.
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