English as she is spoke: or seranade me casanova.

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 My pet cockatiel Luna got spooked by a noise on the highway and flew into the wall. I was afraid she had fractured her skull, but she has recovered and is doing good. It messed me up pretty bad thinking I would lose her. Kinda, refocused and changed my life. Just knowing how fragile we all are. I have been spending the last few months caring for her and trying to get my head together

I spent about six hours sitting on my front porch sitting and getting sunburned terrible while my neighbors stared on anxiously. Furthermore, I one day asked how the bus worked got the app and road it into the city. Spent six hours walking around with no sunscreen, got pretty cooked. My neighbor told me I looked like it was blistering.

I have started playing open mic nights now. Trying to figure out how to perform again as the Apocalypse unrolls and the angels sound their trumpets.

The guy who ran one of the open mic night I think may have been the guy who kicked me off-stage nearly twenty years ago. It turns out he is a pretty stand-up dude. I choked and looked out to a crowd of thirty or forty people and said "I am tapping out". He let me go up after a couple of other people and perform a song that went over really well.  The whole business felt like closure no matter what happens. If all my effort with music was waisted, and I get no recognition I still feel like I did pretty good given how my life played out.

Downside of being in a crowd of cool musicians at bars is people smoke and I bum them (haha lung cancer joke is on me) so I was upset that I would be annoying bumming them all the time and started buying them and smoking again after having quit for nearly five years. I already regret smoking but love being around people. I love watching them perform and talking to them. As scared as it can make me I enjoy performing on stage more than anything else in my creative life.

 I get to the one of the venues almost two hours early just to sit and calibrate myself tot the venue not really hanging out but just making sure I get there so I can perform. It's an eccentric choice and I understand this. Thought It is helping my confidence I asked for a girls number (which given I am three hundred pounds was not a surprise) I am near forty year old man and the sad admission is that this is the first time I have tried to do this not on a dating site. She was polite and friendly, and I even told her goodbye before I left, and it was a little awkward, but I am still proud of myself for not doing the fetal ball of crying and farting routine I used to do.

Most of the songs I am performing are over a decade old and a few go all the way back to my teenage years. I am not performing my recent open c tuning stuff only because it feels a little to close home or personal.

About two weeks ago I performed an acoustic rendition of gangsters paradise that kinda shocked it was either superb or unfortunate because almost no one clapped but when I said thank you they walked up to me a told me it was great, so I don't know.

I have lost almost fifteen pounds this month and doing on my diet. The levee may not have broken in my life but when I saw the cracks I grabbed my surf board.

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