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When things go profoundly wrong.

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  “Do you know how many times you texted me?” “I’m sorry I have paranoid schizophrenia and I am trying to learn how to socialize. I apologize and I will never contact you again.” And I didn’t ever contact that person again. I don’t know who she was and it was well over ten years ago when I Was in the early stages of recovering from a sustained psychosis. I have just paraphrased from memory the text she sent before I blocked her on a dating site. How many times did I text her? like thirty or forty over a period of six months. So why? This is going to be hard to explain for someone who has had a normal life. The answer is simple I didn’t know what would happen. I didn’t understand that not responding once is a hard fast rule for when to disappear from a closing door and that maybe if you swallow your pride a second message reaching out before closing a door. I have paranoid schizophrenia and been through some fairly traumatic stuff in my time. Some real… and others so sub...
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On subjectivity and doubt.

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  When faced with artificial rhetoric pushing false narratives the educated mind is inclined towards doubt. The uneducated mind more towards confidence, for it has now been told what it has waited for. That it is indeed the protagonist of a plot against the grand machinations of history and will uproot the status quo of progressive wild behavior like Wearig a baseball cap backwards and not being filled with inferiority and guilt when a drunken chef in from the army gets angry when you don’t take it off during the national anthem (this may be very specific haha). When you can’t tell when’s video is AI generated or not… things become dangerous because of the choice of the ignorant to be encouraged by “look out for your own interests” and “not sink the life boat” we need to take serious  ether the lack of media education in being able to discern facts from “ alternative facts ”. Because when these alternative (false beliefs)  are held as viable and objective. What we...
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5th grade guitar skillz

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  Mason Andrew Freak (or simply Drew) sat in his empty room without posters, without toys, basically empty except for a bed. Though he was not sitting on the bed he was in his closet (a metaphor [possibly!]) crying over the warhammer 2nd edition of the chador codex crying…. He had taken down all of his posters of Digimon adventure, dragon ball z,   and ff7. He was twelve years old and almost four hundred pounds, he wasn’t even sure he could get out of the closet he was sitting in. He would turn on his flashlight and stare at john Blanche art and dream such horrific beautiful rock n roll dreams! Trying to escape the reality that was the last time he left his parent’s house. A friend of his dad said “are you single my daughter just broke up with her boyfriend.” The daughter “He is half my age and twice my size.” So little mason went home and tore down all his posters and dreamed beautiful dark dreams. Not knowing he would eventually write over a thousand songs about the th...
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