the Chronicles and Frantic Ravings of a manic anarchist: episode one.

I like to keep my foot in my mouth so I know where it is/v\/ I wake up and see a red light burning like embers through my blanket, I raise myself out of bed and see a humanoid neon fire staring at me with a toothless jack o’ lantern grin. I'm not scared, I'm not nervous, I go back to sleep./v\/ A teenage girl in gods country opens a door and asked me while I was staring at a “cool” Volkswagen. "what are you looking for?" I glared at the ground and grinding my teeth at my own lust and said "I don’t know?" she a little weirder for the thought said "alright." with a painful emphasis on each syllable./v\/ the door slammed shut, I heard two footsteps and she was gone. sitting inside of the car looking at the cartoon voodoo doll key chain thinking how easy it would be just to drive off with it, but thinking better of it. I was already down the road when a man yelled at 'me “what are you doing here” obviously annoyed and passed his patience with me I said "I don’t know" "what are you just wandering around up here into other people's back yards, what?” I put on my quiet fear voice my inept road-kill meow "I don’t know" "you don't know well let's walk you down the road." I am to this day still confused about the McDonald’s packages on the side of the road the walk was slow with the nostalgic smell of wet grass and horse fields, some teenagers came out of the house we were passing. the oldest girl damn near a young woman started talking to the man who was now ahead of me, I cant remember there conversation, only how alive I felt with my self crippled libido going in over drive as she walked in front of me  and the contempt I knew her father  was feeling at my being there. Walking beside them now I noticed the fathers Australian hat when her daughter turned to me with "are you going somewhere” their is a sadness I felt then and now, looking into her eyes with my own sadness. Walking into there front yard not knowing what I was looking for with my silence now the only answer to her question. Her father never wavered from his professional contempt for me, a white van stopped in front of us. Words were exchanged about me being driven back to my apartment,  about how I had lost my way. Some kids dressed like actors from a early nineties movie. came outside the house the high-toned camp and joyful camp from lassie. they stared at me (I can see the humor now the fairy tell cuteness of my pretzel logic. and the cold meanness of my heart for the contempt that it brings I woke up from a dream where all I heard was laughter im still not sure if I will ever wake up from that dream because it's the nature of the dream. With a history that wasn’t there and never will be their, his own golden calf, that man-boy has returned the mock heroism that I wasn’t anything in their eyes but a cold ass honkey, One mean spinal cracker, a cockroach on a coffee table I sat in the front seat afraid that the man with the Australian hat would strangle me. The man driving picked up his cell phone "yeah were taking him back to his apartment" we drove down a different road from where I came and I still arrived at wards apartments he wouldn’t shake my hand when I offered mine he wouldn’t look me in the eye when he told me to stay here I walked back up to apartment number six looking at the walls knowing there was only one place for me to go ounce I saw a small model of a prison building, it had black and white words written on it, one phrase stood out "if you drink Pepsi and like chicken fighting this is where you go."it over whelms me now the melancholy, the sadness the past I never had and all I'm thinking about is a future I don’t want to see the music when the lights go out, the fact that as of today I question my purpose in life I don't want to think what could be after this, because I don't feel I can understand it. /v\/ The loss of friends I never had, the father I will never be and this Love and longing that I want to be rid of. These days all I want to be is a tool, a monkey wrench, the laughter makes it alright but mine has a sick desperation that makes me feel like a jack o lantern gutted with the lights on and a smile cut in my face. I like to push the limits so I can better understand what I'm capable of. When I feel the laughter that’s all there is, when I feel the holy law I feel the salt on the scale I feel the symbolism go away and I feel the substance of the bread. when I feel the gospel, I'm not alone, when I see the light things are illuminated. I was walking down a long road when I saw a sign that had a bullet hole that said slow children at play, life is just something we do. /v\/ I got a blow job from an angel. /v\/ Then I heard a voice in my head, It was demonic and deep and it told me it was going to destroy me /v\/ the end.