The Sock-Monkey As Alone

“What are your plans for the future?”  “I don’t have a future.” I turn my back and staring at my hands meaning every fucking syllable. I almost thirty eight. The business of being expected to pull a miracle out of my ass and make the rational clinical pain mean something other than being the background noise of my life, is something I gave up on. “The thing about lobotomies is they kept people like you from hurting someone trying to get on with their day.” The manager at my last apartment recertification told me that.  He was thirty minutes late for my recertification and was in a bad mood. He was told he was 80% disabled but was considered functioning when he was on his pain meds by the VA so he would lose some benefits. So what did he fucking do he spent a hour and a half insulting me. And carrying on how people like me were the problem with this country.  I then had a meltdown on mastodon about the frustration of always being told I have more privilege as a cis white m...

  Starting this off with a nerd list with my current top ten novels 1 Stone junction by Jim Dodge 2 Gravity’s rainbow by Thomas Pynchon 3 Ridley walker by Russel hoben 4 Stella Maris by Cormac McCarthy  5 even cowgirls get the blues by tom robbins 6 Alice adventures in wonder land by Lewis Carrol. 7 cat’s cradle by Kurt Vonnegut  8 Dune by frank herbert 9 buckaroo banzai by earl Mach rauch 10 Shibumi by Trevanian   Now I will simply start typing… mostly because I don’t know what to type and I feel like it would do me well to discuss my days of late. Gave up YouTube and Tv for the most part (trying to watch two or three hours of tv a week). And after a rocky start I can think clearer and my mood seems to be improving. So that is a win I would say. Last book I read was shibumi. I sat down and read three hundred pages of it yesterday and finished it and loved it… very much in the vein of Suda51 one style scripts or a kind of mash up of James Bond and ki...