Am I still pretentious and emo? or, the Chronicles and frantic ravings of a manic anarchist chapter two.

All we try to do is connect. The desire of having our survival-ism validated is a powerful urge for anyone over thirteen. But to confuse the self inflicted violence that validation encourages through our efforts to have value independent of what god gave us seems to me to be the primary source of evil. whether your religious or not, this behavior leads to serving the devil, or at least mammon. Whether you take what I say as a literal fundamentalist christian ranting or as a confused pantheist struggling with language so he can reach in the dark is irrelevant. All that matters, is that there are consequences and we do feel them. But we are trapped in a world of living symbols. Ideas that have lasted longer then our species will be allowed. Ideas that cut through the soul and leave us naked in our sin. who am I to argue with the truth, when every day I become more and more predictable and life seems to me as redundant as my sin.

So we wait, as the cards come down and our soul is condemned. To a fate that seems to chase after itself like a snake eating it’s tail. And we all pray for redemption even if our faith leads us away from god. And that charlatan with his lion head stares back at us. That beast from the wild. Demiurge, the father of lies and the spirit of true rebellion. The spirit of hope for the lost and damned, for the quick and the dead. Those who like me seek only validation will always be confronted with the image of a snake with a lions head and the lies that he speaks. The tarot is the vocabulary of the damned and through it we speak to the cosmos. The symbols are the archetype for western Cosmology. They are the map of the mind. They are the oldest form of psychology and they will always lead us back to wisdom. And truth will lead us to condemnation. We are guilty within his grace and wait only for our cross. One baptism, one faith and one god. as above so below, this is our judgment.

Sophia, or rather Hagia Sophia is here again and she is naked (I’m not being immature I promise). She said she would help me but I know now that was a lie. wisdom is understanding and as I understand it all is relative to the whimsy of God. So what is the promise of proverbs but that there is a reward for walking in the path of the righteous. The path of David and Solomon of the fathers of the mislead tribe that now rely on the elder guardians of the oral torah. But it is not my place to judge because that is reserved for God our father. But to quote our Christ “wisdom is justified of her children.“ And has not God made foolish the wisdom of this world. The God of this world is mammon, the God of this world is money. And he is “Hell’s ambassador to England.” But who is Sophia is she but one more way of understanding our greed and lust. What is wisdom but one more name for the devil. What is the devil but another name for value. what is value but a polite way of claiming we have merit. Like a Chinese finger trap, the more we confront the sinful nature of “free will.” the farther we get away from God. And we are left in our weakness waiting only for his grace. In our weakness his strength is made perfect and so wisdom serves her purpose.